The Smith's: Tastee Squeeze

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Tastee Squeeze

This was based on an idea I got from Kenny & Melissa. Thanks you guys! It was put together by my friend at 3 in the morning the day of the program, so it unfortunately didn't get the same attention the other two did, but I think it turned out okay anyway...

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KIDS' QUIPS

MOM IS GOING CRAZY!!

One morning as I was getting ready, dressed and putting my face on for the day, Ephraim came into our bedroom..."Where are you going Mom?" He asked. I decided to tease him and replied, "Crazy" He then gasped and ran to yell at his older brother, "Elijah! Mom's going crazy and we're going with her!!" One of those precious moments I wish I had a camera going. Darn. Haha.

GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS:

I read to the boys before bed and Ephraim brought me a book that showed babies at different stages in the womb but didn't show any gender (legs were crossed). I showed him about the size the baby is now in my tummy and he asked me, "Is it a boy or a girl?" I told him we didn't know yet so he asked, "Can we buy a girl?"

JOKES WE FIND FUNNY!

DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS

I was packing for a business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, 'Daddy, look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said , 'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,' pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'

She replied,
'What happened to my booger?'

Stories and Other Things By Me

Mom and the Awful, Dreadful, Unhappy, Very Rotten Day. (A parody to Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day)

I eventually fell asleep at 2 am only to be woken up a 6am with a kid right in my face and when I finally dragged myself out of bed I discovered there were only three sheets left on the toilet paper roll with no extra roll in sight and I knew it was going to be an awful, dreadful, unhappy, very rotten day.

At breakfast the kids spilled milk everywhere while eating their nice sugary cereal but I was stuck with shredded wheat because the sugary stuff makes me fat.

I think I'll move to the Bahamas.

While driving the kids to school I had to listen to constant arguing about strange things even though we were only going a few blocks away. I said, "Be Quiet!" I said, "Shuussshhh!!!" No one even listened.

I could tell it was going to be an awful, dreadful, unhappy, very rotten day.

When I got back home the younger kids thrashed the house in 4.9 seconds.

After scrubbing an unknown substance off the walls and folding laundry I thought, "Who needs kids?" I could tell it was going to be an awful, dreadful, unhappy, very rotten day.

I could tell because after doing the dishes I found some random dirty ones from who knows when under my husband's side of the bed and discovered an explosive diaper on the baby who I just changed 5 minutes ago.

"I hope you have kids just like you!" I said to my children. "I hope you know I will spoil them too and then laugh when they drive you crazy! Then I'll run away to the Bahamas!"

At lunch there was a food fight while my back was turned because I made the mistake of giving them Mac and Cheese and yogurt instead of PB & J and apples. Guess which mother needs a nap?

It was an awful, dreadful, unhappy, very rotten day.

That's what it was, because when I gave up and passed out for 5 minutes the kids decided to use permanent marker on the walls and on themselves. "I'll paint the walls next week." Said my husband when I called to complain.

Next week, I said, I'm going to the Bahamas.

On the way to pick the kids up from school I was cut off 5 times and couldn't find a decent song on the radio to drown the kids out so had to listen to them crying and whining because of course school lets out right during nap time. When I tried to tell them to stop crying I got a toy thrown at my head and then threatened to pull the car over.

I'm having an awful, dreadful, unhappy, very rotten day I told them. They didn't even listen.

So after picking the kids up I took them to the store with me. They all suddenly HAD to use the bathroom of course. "We're just getting milk!" I told them. They bugged me for candy, but they can't make me buy it!

When I got home I told the kids, "Don't make a mess in your room!" But they "forgot". I also told them multiple times to wash their hands after they used the bathroom yet I found more goop on the walls. I also told them not to mess with the phone, but I think they may have called some foreign country. I said, "Your dad will hurt you when he gets the phone bill."

It was an awful, dreadful, unhappy, very rotten day.

The kids complained about hating vegetables all through dinner.

I had to clean the dishes and I HATE cleaning dishes.

I gave the kids a bath and listened to them complain about having soap in their eyes and kept telling them to quit splashing water on me. "Rinse off!" I pleaded.

When I finally got the kids in bed I had to keep saying, "Be quiet and go to sleep!" They're lucky I love them.

Maybe I can get some sleep myself now so I can do it all again tomorrow.

It has a been an awful, dreadful, unhappy, very rotten day.

My mom tells me some days are like that.

Even in the Bahamas.

The Smith's